...missing him...

It's harder than I thought and only the beginning.

38 more days...

...being spontaneous or just love sick...

So last week was a pretty tough week. For some reason, the world (the hospitality world to be exact) decided to gang up on me on my first week without my husband. Seriously. And the hardest day for me was Thursday. I swear it was one of the hardest work days ever. I just felt like everything was going wrong and it just wouldn't stop. It started the moment I clocked in... up until the minute I got home! Not kidding. Not to mention I worked all day AND had a work party that evening... things still went wrong even during the party. I just gave in and left early. Even on the way home... I hit every single red light in Salt Lake! Ugh! It just wasn't a good day at all. That night I vented, and maybe cried a little, to Matt about my work day and then everything else just started to come out. All the venting lead me to believe that I was neglecting the kids that week. Now that I think about it, I think I was just too overwhelmed with work that I felt like that was all I was doing... so I guess I just talked myself into thinking that I wasn't being a great Mom that week on top of all that. Yea, something I'm working on. Don't think I'm crazy.......... I swear I'm not :) But after talking about the kids, Matt and I decided that I would stay with the kids this weekend instead of our original plan of possibly flying out there to see him.

Come Friday, I tried to go into work with a better attitude... but really I just wanted to get my hours in and leave. I just couldn't wait for the weekend! Don't get me wrong, I love my job and I would honestly say that I am good at what I do... I was just having one of those weeks. By the time I got off, I planned to just hang out at my parents' house with the kids and just be with my family. Any time I'm feeling stressed or just want to clear my mind... I usually just hang out there with my siblings and laugh at nothing like we always do. We did end up there after work... but after talking with my sisters and my mom... I decided to go!! I planned to take Shawnee with me and have the other two stay. I did hesitate after my long night of venting... but then I figured... why torture myself more?!

...and you know what... I don't regret it one bit. I had the best time! And we didn't even do anything! Matt has his own place out there and some family which equals very good company! We got in late Friday night, picked up some Jack in the Box on our way home and watched tv all night with Shawnee. I think we even fell asleep early! Saturday morning Matt had to leave... Shawnee and I slept in up until he got home. Then we went to lunch and hung out at his family's house the rest of the day. It was great! I seriously had not one worry in my body the whole time I was there. I did of course think of Nana and Fatboy but I trust my family 110% and knew that there was nothing to worry about... so I didn't.

The whole time we were there... I just kept thinking... "Can I just move here for the next two months? Not worry about anything while I'm out here?!?" Then I had to bring myself down and slap myself out of it. Yes, slap! Leaving him Sunday night was really hard... not as hard as my dramatic good-bye the previous Sunday... but it was pretty sad.

This week things are going a lot better than last week... but..... I'm thinking of going back this weekend.... hahahahahaha.... crazy right? But this time I want to take all of the kids with me. It's killing Matt that he hasn't seen them this long. We skype every night and sometimes even leave the skype up just so he can watch them do nothing. It would be nice to go this weekend... but let's face it... it's so not ideal for us to fly out there every weekend. He was suppose to come back one weekend but after his first week, he figured out that they have training on Saturdays too. They don't mess around apparently.

So, we'll see how things go the rest of the week. But I guess we can say "so far, so good". We just can't wait for this part to be over. I know, it's crazy because this might seem like a big deal now... all this time apart... but I guess there's more "away time" in store for us... but again... we can't complain! This is what we're signing up for, right?!? I have been missing the company though... I know I'm lucky to even have him but I now realize that it's the little things that I miss the most. The nights he kept me up with his snoring... packing bags in the morning just to turn around and see that he was already on his way out loading it into the car... the middle-of-the-night foot locks... the hugs while I wash the dishes... his entertaining dance moves... Okay, I'm done.

We'll see how the week ends... we'll either still be here or Cali bound... again! :)

...the start of something new...

This year... is our year...hopefully. 2010 was definitely a test for us in many different ways. We are definitely looking forward to something new this year. I've been thinking about what to blog about for the past three weeks but of course I had to get our Vegas trip out of the way first. December seriously came and went before we knew it. We had a lot to do and so many things to look forward to and before we knew it, it was all said and done.

The decisions and events that happened in December now leaves me currently on Day 3 without my husband. No, we did not get divorced or anything crazy... he's out in L.A. training for an upcoming All-Star Senior Game and the NFL Combine.

I thought twice about blogging about this 'oh-so-touchy' subject but I don't know too many people who have gone through an experience like this and was able to blog/talk about it openly. I also thought about how some people, like me, have no idea what goes on in the life of someone who is on this type of "journey" or what to expect even. So why not just share the experience, am I wrong? And in case you were wondering, my husband does know that I am and will be blogging about this journey of ours and he thinks it'll help me take a load off since I'm always keeping things bottled up inside. Me? Bottle things up? Never!

After returning from Vegas, Matt only had a week left to spend with the family. We knew it was coming but for some reason we didn't think it was so soon. He left this past Sunday, January 3rd @ 11:38am.... not that I have that instilled in my brain or anything... and earlier in the week I thought it would be a good idea to go with him, since I do have flight benefits. But then after thinking about how much we were spending on my ticket and the hours I would spend there (which would've been maybe seven hours max) we decided that I should just wait and come up on a weekend. Well of course, come Sunday morning we decided that I would just go with him.

(Oh the joy of being able to fly on STAND BY!!)

So before going to the airport, I checked the flight and it looked like I had a pretty good chance of getting on... but I kept telling myself "Don't get your hopes up!"...and what did i do?? Uh, yea! So we get to the airport and we're sitting at the gate. I pulled up the flight again to see if I would make it on or not... YEA RIGHT!!... There were like twenty five people listed and I was number 16 with only 8 seats available. Gosh, way to set myself up for that one, right?!?! Just imagine Matt and I, sitting at the gate, with me leaning on his shoulder trying to hold back every tear that I could. It was probably one of the most dramatic good-bye's I've ever been apart of. I told Matt I should've just stayed home because it's so much easier to say good-bye at home then it is at an airport where HE walks to the counter and I'm still sitting there... and while HE walks down the ramp while I'm standing there like an idiot hoping that they'll call my name next... and while HE is sitting on the plane and I'm watching it pull out without me... Not that that's what happened after we said good-bye...

The kids did really well when they said good-bye. We explained that Daddy was leaving for football and they just took it as "Daddy's leaving for another game"... they're use to it after having him gone every weekend during the season. It's funny because all they know is that "Mommy goes to work, Daddy goes to school and plays football and we go to Grandma's house" :) Is that bad? That and my two year old doesn't cry for her parents, she cries for her Auntie Sina. Yup! We are definitely "Parents of the Year".

Before Matt left we tried to plan our visits for him to come home for a weekend and for me to go out there for a weekend. Well, after finding out that he's been invited to the All Star Bowl, plans have changed. Instead of him coming home next weekend, he's now going to stay there until the weekend before the game (which is the first week of February), come home Friday and fly out Sunday to Texas and spend a week there then go straight to L.A. after the game to train up until the combine. Again with the speedy events. Seems to be the story of our lives.

Matt has definitely had his share of injuries over the last few years... we're hoping for nothing but the best and more this year. As much as we're spending all this time apart, we know that this will make us that much stronger. I for one feel like I need to be the stronger one out of the two of us because if I'm not doing so well, he won't either because he'll be too busy worrying about me and the kids. It's definitely hard because we really haven't been apart this long. Yea he was gone every weekend between September and December... but this time is different. Skyping DEFINITELY helps A LOT!! We got the T-Mobile MyTouch 4G thinking that we could video chat throughout the day.... holy cow this phone is freakin' OVER-RATED!!! So much for that!

But anyways, so this is where we are now... love it or hate it... we can't complain too much. So I'll definitely be updating my blogs a little more than usual... just to clear my mind. Trust me, I'm still the STRESS QUEEN, as someone calls me, but I'm trying to make this year about US and no one else. Meaning, I'm not going to get myself caught up in everyone else's world... just my own... just the Asiata's!

...Vegas...

Here's a short summary of our trip to Vegas for Matt's bowl game.

The kids haven't been on a plane since our first bowl trip in '07... You HAVE TO look at their facial expressions in these pictures... Prepare yourself! :)

They were going NUTS just walking from the gate to the plane!... Okay, maybe just Fatboy...

These two didn't sleep the entire time we were on the flight!

Fatboy sat with the boys... Trying to act like one of them... Look at his face!

These were taken on our way to the hotel... Don't mind the looks... it was an early flight! ;)

Arrival Time: 11am

Hotel: Planet Hollywood

3 Words: OH. EM. GEE.

Our room was uh-may-za-za-zing!! Again, the kids went NUTS as soon as we got there!

It was funny because when we were looking for our room we just kept walking and walking...

Then we finally came to the end of the hall and the whole time I was thinking:

"Oh great! They stuck us in a closet, at the end of the hall,

since we have the most craziest kids!"

But when we got in we couldn't believe it! LOL.

We just kept saying, "I hope we have the right room!"

Pretty much our entire trip consisted of:

eating, walking, shopping...

eating, walking, shopping...

It was grrrreeeeat! :)

But I was telling Matt when we got back that I felt like I spent so much money out there and had nothing to show for it. You know what I mean? But then again, I shopped for the kids more than anyone else. So that's probably why I felt that way.... I just didn't bring back anything for ME... I've actually always been that way since........ I can remember. Not that I don't ever shop for myself, because I do, but I tend to shop for the kids first. Especially for things that they don't need or already have. Bad habit, I know.

But anyways, I have tons of other pictures but I don't want to post it all but I will on my Facebook so you can view them there if you want.

Even though we lost, we still had a good time. We got to visit with my Aunt and her family (the Mapu's) and we ate at Island Sushi too. I don't even like sushi but after eating there I think I can handle it... but I still gotta have my meat :) We even stayed longer than we anticipated. The drive back was the best! I never thought I could ever enjoy a six hour drive... but I guess the right company is what makes it all better. :) Go figure.

...thanks UTAH for the free trip :)...