...right now...

Right now...

I have a million and one things going through my head and I don't even know why.

Well, I do but not really.

You know that feeling you get when you're antsy and worried at the same time?!

Like you're getting ready to do something but then you feel like you're forgetting something...

Like you're about to do something amazing...

But at the same time you're not.

Almost like you're getting ready for a BIG day... filled with nothing..

Like there's a huge weight lifted off my shoulders...

But there's a pit still sitting at the bottom of my stomach.

Does that make sense?!

I don't know how to explain it... but that was kind of my explanation.

Yes, that's how my brain works.

Which is why I can never really explain anything.

I know it's pretty sad.

But I'm still functional!

You wouldn't even be able to tell if you were to look at me.

Or can you?!

That'd be pretty funny if you could... then I'd just look LOST all the time.

Long story short...the separation paid off.

All the hours, days, weeks, months spent away from each other has made it worth every second.

My husband made the Vikings roster.

We never talk about it unless it's brought up by an inquiring mind (just because)

but I figured since I blogged before about writing down our experiences through the process

I might as well share this now, right?!

We're rookies still new to "this life" but one things for sure...

We know the majority of it will be spent the same way it has been since April...

Apart.

But here's where my brain starts to lose it.

Anyone who knows my husband and I knows that we're attached at the hip.

Literally.

It's always been that way.

Tangi & Matt. Matt & Tangi.

You ask for one, you get both.

That's just the way it's always been...

and because we're cool like that.

Not really, but really.

So you can imagine what all this time apart has done to us.

Nothing has changed really, except for the fact that he stays in everyday after work...

((we can officially say that football is WORK. It still amazes me that someone can do what they LOVE - like playing football - and call it a J.O.B. and get paid for it. Amazing how that works))

and I pretty much stay within my boundaries...

Home.Work.Golds.Home.Work.

((and yes I said GOLDS because I've been milking our rip-off plan of $65 a month for the both of us...oh and cuz I wanna workout too I guess. Everyone's doing it))

Yup - it's pretty amazing.

The problem...might not even be a problem to some people.

And it really isn't a "problem" it's just...

There.

Yea, it's not a problem.

The NFL is a very cut-throat business.

Anything can happen.

What HAS happened is one of our greatest blessings...

But what's TO COME is what is holding us back.

We want our family to be together.

We wanna come home at the end of the day and have someone to come home to.

We wanna enjoy being with our children.

We wanna reap the joys of parenthood together.

But we know that right now...

We can't.

We have to think about what's best for our family.

Our kids.

Our marriage.

Our future.

Everything.

Which would mean...

We'll still be living apart for the next few months.

Of course we wish things could be easier...doesn't everyone?!

What I do know...is that I wouldn't trade any of this for the world.

It's been a long road leading up to this point and there's nothing that will stop us.

This post is not a Debbie Downer post... I'm simply just typing what's on my mind.

Am I sad? Mad? Angry?

HECK NO!

I'm SO EXCITED for what lies ahead, you have NO.I.DEA.

The mixed feelings and all that other craziness is just...life.

When I stress, I stress hard. Why? I have no idea.

But when I really think about it... why stress?!

It's not gonna do me any good.

I need to keep my head up and STAY positive.

I've been trying to live this way for a while and I really am seeing a difference in just everything.

My husband reminds me every morning...

to make it a GREAT and POSITIVE day no matter what.

You would think I would need to be the one telling him that

Since his day is more stressful than mine I'm sure...

But that's what I love about him.

I honestly would not be the person I am today without him.

So for now...

I'm just gonna keep being AMAZING and just go with it.