...five days in...

...and I'm still surviving. Even with all the family time and special events we had this week, I still had time to miss him. I was hoping I wouldn't, but it's normal so I don't feel too bad. When I mentioned possibly going MIA again in my last post, I was serious. A lot of the time it's just easier for me to get over it when I don't go anywhere or see anyone. But that's probably not good either.

Last week, one of my younger brothers got married. Everything turned out really good. Simple yet elegant. Well, that's what I thought at least. I LOVE weddings, probably more than I should. Just everything about it is so precious. My brother and his wife decided to get married so they could move to Arkansas together for school. My brother was offered a full ride there and they decided that they didn't want to live apart any longer so it seemed like the perfect time to start their life together.

That's exactly how Matt and I started our family together. We did the same thing. We planned our wedding in about a week, got married and left to Snow College that very next week. Funny thing is, this weekend, July 30th, just so happened to be our six year anniversary. I had it on my mind this entire month, literally. Then after he left last week, I tried not to think about it. He actually never brought it up either. Until yesterday, we skyped before we started our day and then I just said Babe, do you know what today is? I really thought he wouldn't remember... but he did. It made me smile. We talked a bit about how long we've been together... it's crazy. Ten years together, six years married. I felt happy talking about it... but then it hit me. He looked me straight in the eyes and said Happy Anniversary Baby. I could not hold it in. The tears came, the shaking lips... I don't even know why! I couldn't stop crying. Seeing his face so close but just not there... it killed me. I just couldn't handle it and I lost it. Literally.

I don't know how other couples do it. I know a few people who are living apart from their spouses, some months at a time... I know my situation probably isn't even half as complicated but I can honestly say I know how it feels. I know in the end it'll all pay off and this is just one of the many sacrifices we'll have to make for our family. I'm not complaining, I'm just venting. Like I said before, of course I don't want him to just drop everything and come back... I just wish it didn't have to be so hard. I've had the worse time sleeping since he's been gone. The days drag like no other. I don't ever feel like going anywhere because he's not home. It's sad. But we figured out how we can do our skyping sessions so last night was our first night skyping. Some will probably think it's lame but just like we did a few months ago (when he was in Cali for two months) we skype and leave it up all night. I wake up probably three or four times in the middle of the night so when I did, I at least got to see my husband sleeping next to me on our screen. He even woke me up this morning before he left... on the screen :)

I know, I'm probably making some of you sick right now but I can't help it. This guy is too much. I'm so grateful for the opportunity that he has to even be out there. To be given the chance to show them how much he's capable of taking this on. It's been his dream since he was little. We're so blessed to have come this far and we're just happy that it's even happening. This journey has also helped us realize how much love and support we have from our family and friends. How blessed we are to have the greatest support system anyone could ever ask for.

I thought about it today at church and I realized that we are truly blessed and we need to not take advantage of it. I told myself that this is where we wanted to be and together we can overcome anything. I realized that I want to make things right. Do things the right way. I want to be happy and be happy with my husband and children. My other younger brother went through the temple this weekend. He'll never know how big of an example he is to me. He's always done things "his way" growing up and never following anyone else. That's what I love about him. I'm so happy for what's in store for him and his future companion. He'll be leaving on his mission in October to Anaheim, California. He'll be the first one in our family and the second grandchild out of our immediate family to serve a mission. It'll be exciting. Just another blessing to add to the pot.

Hopefully this week will get better. I'm not expecting much but hopefully it'll go by faster than last week.  I really am fine... really. I love where we are now and what's to come. It's just the "being apart" part that I can't handle. Everyone knows wherever I go Matt goes... and vice versa. So to only see Tangi around just isn't normal. Debbie just needs a few days guys :)