...stressing...

Things have been so crazy since the last time I blogged. It seems that my husband uses my laptop more than I do. I just haven't really had time or patience to sit down and blog.

The kids have still been back and forth to my in laws during the week. I feel like I'm gone so many hours a day that when I get home, there's just enough time to eat and go to sleep. Then of course our weekends are filled with family activities: parties, birthdays, football, etc. I LOVE the weekend family time but I feel like we're always on the go and just not being able to stay home and do nothing... you know?

Work is busy too. We actually just hired a new Catering Sales Manager. My old manager moved to Florida for her husband's schooling. I haven't been to busy with any of that, but for some reason things have picked up and I find myself more busy than I thought I would be. I still love my job though. I don't mind it at all. What I do is simple, I get it. They actually tried to get me to apply for the management position but I really don't think I can do it. Too much responsibility. I have enough on my plate as it is.

My church calling is the best. I love it. Our Young Women Presidency is so great. We're actually planning a musical fireside for next month. Our youth is even learning a song. OMG and I'm supposedly playing the piano for them too... I love that I somewhat know how to play, but when I have to play for big things, I panic. Tonight we had song practice and I sucked, bottom line. I have LOTS of practicing to do! But I love it. I feel like I should be doing more though. The girls are still shy around me, I think, and there are some that I know are comfortable around me, but others that I feel I should be reaching out to but I don't know how just yet.

So why am I stressing? I'm not really stressing... but I am... LOL... it's so hard to explain. I'm the type that will worry about every little thing... and I mean EVERY little thing! It's a bad habit that I need to break. Honestly, I use to stress myself out so much that I'd get sick. I still get it at times but I haven't for a while. I guess I've learned to control it better. But I need to control it a lot more. I think now, instead of stressing til I'm sick, I end up building up all these mixed emotions and "stress" inside me that I just end up shutting everyone out. I'm there, but I'm not. And I hate to admit this now but it was just a few weeks ago that I realized what I was doing. I felt really bad about it because my husband started to think it was his fault that I was acting this way.

My husband's the sweetest guy ever. He really knows what I like and don't like... the little things that I LOVE... how to make me smile... the right words to text me when I'm having a hectic day at work... just everything. And I guess I just wasn't communicating as much as I should've been and he knew there was something wrong. I finally just looked at him and just broke down and cried... out of no where!

Don't feel bad for me though... like I said, it was my fault that I kept it all in and I shouldn't be stressing as much as I do. Now that I'm talking about it openly, I feel like my "stress" is some kind of addiction or something... still not good!

But I've been working on it and things have actually started to work itself out. I'm still worried about a few things here and there but I just realized that I need to center my life and everything I do around the Lord, my kids, my husband and my family.

We'll see how things go within the next few weeks.

I'm still waiting to get some software to edit pictures... I've actually lost my camera about five times this month and found it in random places! It's been missing for about two weeks and just last night Shawnee walked into my room with it! LOL.

Anyways, hopefully this one made sense! I just needed to let it out. Don't think I'm crazy though... because I'm not! LOL. I swear. :)